Sorry, I can't. I'm too busy.

      I think it goes without saying that, being a woman, I have a lot of different emotions, and that I can go through about 6 of those emotions in the time span of 10 seconds. My emotions and how I wear them have always been an important part of who I am and how people see me. I usually get referred to as "the sweet one," or "that cute, little one." My personal favorite was one day at work one of my coworkers referred to me as "a walking Xanax" after hearing me apparently calm down an agitated patient with just a few soothing words. And while I do always try to have a kind or encouraging word for everyone I come into contact with, those closest to me know the truth: I'm notoriously stubborn; I have a temper that can only be attributed to my Irish roots; I can be an incredibly cliche "white girl" (I'm sitting in Starbucks as I'm typing this, about to order a pumpkin spice latte, so I'm allowed to say that); and I am the WORST at just sitting still. Even as I'm focusing on writing this long overdue post, in the back of my mind, I have about 4 different lists mentally prepared to put to paper whenever I get the chance. And it's not that I'm overly stressed or burnt out or anything of the sort. I just love always having something to do. I like to stay busy. Here lately though, I've been able to spend time with a friend that I've known for about 5 years, and it amazes me sometimes how he is able to just BE there. No agenda. No to-do list. He's just there to listen to my seemingly never-ending hospital horror stories and to make me laugh at the drop of a hat, and it got me thinking.....when was the last time I was just there? When was the last time I simply basked in being present? When was the last time I just sat at God's feet and enjoyed Him for simply being Him?
       It can be so incredibly hard to just be still in God's presence when so many different emotions are fighting for your attention. Jealousy. Giddiness. Frustration. Exhaustion. Excitement. Just to name a few of the ones I've been experiencing the past few weeks. We are all usually in constant need of something, whether it be money, a job, a friend, a miracle. We are so concerned about what the next moment is going to bring, whether it be good or bad, that we forget to enjoy the one that we're in. As I have mentioned in past posts, I have a very bad habit (that I'm still working on fully breaking) of wanting to control every single detail of a situation, even the seemingly simplest ones. It's so easy for me to allow myself to become swept up in a situation without remembering who set me there to begin with. I sometimes get so excited about a new experience or idea that I can become *ahem* unintentionally a bit overbearing. I've been so incredibly blessed and sometimes I forget that God is the one who gave me every single blessing. He didn't place me where I'm at and then say, "Okay, here ya go. Enjoy. I'll see you later." In the Hollywood blockbuster-worthy twister of emotions that I've been experiencing lately, God's been right there, in the eye of the storm, right in the center of it all, keeping it stable for me. I've been making it a point this past week to take time every morning to simply BE. Before I even check Facebook or Instagram, I take just about 20 minutes to simply sit and let God surround me, and let me tell you, I can already feel a difference in how I feel throughout the rest of the day. I'm calmer. I'm more joyful. I smile more. I'm letting my absolutely awesome Heavenly Father do what He does best (love on His child) and I'm allowing the peace that comes with that to cover me and, incidentally, burrow its way into my thoughts and actions. Do I still have moments where my emotions try to take over and control my mood? Chyeah. Daily. In those moments though, I just have to stop what I'm doing completely and simply be there. No timelines. No check off lists. No plans of attack. And what I've discovered is that 99% of the time, the situation that I'm in would be so much better if I would just......wait for it......let it go (Told you I have a Disney obsession). So today, I want to encourage everyone who lays eyes on this page: stop what you're doing, realize that you can't control everything, and simply be.

J Lloyd, BSN

     So, I know it's been a while since I've posted anything......early December to be exact. When I started doing these posts I promised myself that it would be something that I stuck with and wouldn't let it fall by the wayside. I try to always keep promises that I make to other people, but don't have as much luck when it comes to ones I make to myself. I have, however, kept one of the biggest promises that I have ever made: as of May 10th, 2014, I am a graduate of the University of Mobile with a Bachelor's Degree of Science in Nursing!! This has been without a doubt the hardest and longest journey that I have ever had to take, but the feeling I have right now of sitting back and knowing that I don't have to go to clinical tomorrow or study an insane amount of hours for an exam is absolutely fantastic. All I could think about when I was walking across the stage to get my diploma was "OMG, this is really happening!" Well, that and I was praying that I didn't fall in my heels walking down the stairs off the stage. I have struggled and fought through so much to get to this moment and I just want to take a moment to say praise God that it finally happened! Knowing that I didn't give up or take the easy way out just makes the whole experience that much sweeter. God has brought me such a long way and I can't do His goodness justice with mere words. When I received word on April 2nd that I had passed the class that had prevented me from graduating last year, I couldn't do anything but cry. Of course this time they were tears of pure joy. My professor, and probably my favorite teacher at UM, pulled me into a tight hug and said how proud she was of me and how far I had come from just last year. I think that meant just as much to me as actually passing! Knowing that my God was capable of taking the complete mess that I was and turning it into a miraculous story was more than I could understand. We don't always understand why things happen the way they do, and it can be so easy to give up and think that when something goes wrong, then there's no hope for it to work out. But sometimes we don't always get it right the first time around and it takes God shaking us up to get us to fully get a grasp on what our purpose is and how we should go about fulfilling it. I promise though, there is always hope.
     I think the best part of this whole experience is finding out that I'm making an impact on peoples' lives without even realizing I'm doing it. Graduation weekend someone whom I love very much and am very close pulled me aside and told me something that absolutely blew my mind. He said that because of the faith and trust in God that I had displayed and my actions throughout this entire experience, that it had caused him to want to be a better person and turn back to God. Wow! How do you even respond to something like that?? By tearing up of course....story of my life. That one confession made every single thing that I had ever gone through in nursing school worth it. To know that my actions and the way I was living made someone turn and embrace the ever-open arms of God? There is no comparison. I had been praying for the longest time that I would live my life in way that would make others see something different in me and want to know what it was. God answered that prayer in a much larger than expected way! Isn't that what we're all suppose to be doing though? Living our lives in ways that make people want to know why? Now please don't think I'm patting myself on the back or thinking that I'm better than anyone else....far from it. I'm just absolutely floored that God would take my tangled, broken mess and use it in such an amazing way! And what's even better? He can do the same for you! If I've learned anything from this it's that nothing is too big or too complicated or too broken for God to fix, no matter what anyone else has told you. He has a purpose for you, you just have to reach out and take it!
     With school officially done, my next step now is to take my NCLEX exam which will give my nursing license and add that awesome RN behind my name ;) I'm hoping to take it in early or mid-June and I'm going to need every prayer possible on this one! I've passed all the needed tests up to this point, but this is the one that really matters. Yes, believe it or not, I still have to study a bit more. I know though that if I can make it through the vortex of nursing school, I can surely make it through this!