When I was younger, adults would
always ask me, “What do you want to be when you grow up?” And I usually always
had a decent answer: Olympic gymnast, veterinarian, teacher (Power Ranger at
one point). Then, as I got older, it became doctor, forensic scientist, a brief
and fleeting thought towards acting. Basically, I was all over the place. I
always loved and was good at math and science, so the closer I got to college,
the more my career choices seemed to gravitate towards those fields. When I
first started at UM, I was an athletic training major hoping to one day become
a physical therapist. It didn’t take long (we’re talking about 2 months) for me
to realize that that was NOT my thing. I suffered a minor crisis of “Oh my gosh.
What am I going to do with my life??” before finally putting the two biggest
factors together: 1) I love and have a deep passion for helping people + 2) I
was a science and math nerd= Duh, nursing! Yes! I have my entire life figured
out! Oh how naïve sweet, little freshman Jessica was…..
If you have been reading these
posts from the beginning, then you know my whole testimony about struggling
with a major anxiety disorder all through nursing school, and how my gracious
Lord and Savior brought me out on the other side victorious! (If not, you
should check it out. It’s a page-turner ;) ) Since then, I have been working at
a great hospital for a little over a year now, gaining some top-notch experience,
and have made some wonderful friends in the process. Sure, my job drives me
absolutely insane sometimes, and there are days where I question whether or not
I can make it through the twelve hours, but all in all, the positives have far
outweighed the negatives. I have witnessed what could only be explained as
miracles take place, and I LOVE getting to smile and laugh along with people
who are dealing with potentially life-threatening situations. The human spirit
is an amazing thing y’all….it really is. You know what though? I cannot wait
for the day that I walk out of those doors for the last time. Now I know that
that may sound harsh, but it has absolutely nothing to do with the place or the
people. It has to do with the fact that I know that the moment I step foot
across that threshold, I’ll be taking my next step on the path that God has
been preparing me for these last 24 years. The thing is though, I have no idea
when or where that next step is going to come. And THAT right there is what’s
scary. I have no clue as to what I’m going to do with my life. (How many times
has that phrase been uttered by a million other post-grads??) It’s true though.
I have zero idea of where I’ll be this time 10 years from now, 5 years from
now, even next year. I definitely do not have my entire life figured out,
unlike my 18-year-old self once thought. Bless her heart. What I do know is
that I have about ten different paths that I would love to walk down. Some are
healthcare related, and some aren’t. Some I could walk in and do tomorrow, and
some would take months of planning and preparation. They all hold a very
special place in my heart, and I know that there is a reason that they are
there. To some people that lack of direction and preparedness may sound like a
nightmare, and a couple of years ago I was one of those people. But now? All I
can think about are all the beautiful and amazing possibilities that are open
to me. I could literally do ANYTHING. YOU
could literally do anything. I love nursing and would be overjoyed to be able
to help others heal every single day for the rest of my life, but I also have
other dreams. It’s okay to not have your life figured out by 25. It’s okay to
have no idea what you’ll do next week. Planning and preparation are wonderful.
I mean, who spent almost eighty bucks on a fancy planner? This girl right here.
But don’t let yourself get so bogged down with trying to plan your life out
that you miss the beautiful things God is aligning in the background. Let him
take your dreams and desires and mold them into plans and actions. Allow the
uncertainty to become opportunity. (I seriously feel like I sound like a
fortune cookie at this point, but I digress) Not knowing can be beautiful, and breaking
down the barriers in your own mind can be one of the most freeing things you
will ever do. Break down that fourth wall (If you understand that reference, I
love you). Do not limit yourself to what your degree says. As I have said from
the beginning, you are more than a piece of paper. You are talented and strong
and smart and special. God has amazing plans for you, and if you’ll simply hand
Him the paint brush, He can paint some awe-inspiring pictures in colors you didn’t
even know existed. All it takes is a dream, and a little bit of faith. Give
yourself permission to try new things and go beyond what you thought was
possible. You will never know what is possible until you do it.
